Masturbation and bipolar

By 4uOnly Latest Activity January 31, 2012 at 10:53 pm Views 2,185 Replies 21 Likes 1


My fiancée has bipolar and him and I haven't had sex in 5 months we also just had a baby who is two months. I think instead of sex he masturbates. Should I be worried?

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Replies (21 replies)

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  • hiyou
    hiyou February 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm   

    Maybe he does it cause he s bored. Have you tried to spice it up a little? Or to increase the frequency of intercourses? He won t masturbate if he gets what hé needs i guess

  • scottymb
    scottymb February 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm   

    I'll admit five months is a long time. Since you are both admittedly very sexual, the thought of not being able to perform to yours/his sexual standards could be a crushing blow to someone who's always considered themselves vigorous. As your fiancée, this could also be raising questions for him about whether or not he can indefinitely continue the kind of excitement you two used to experience in the bedroom (or wherever). I can't begin to imagine the kind of questions being BP and planning a wedding must raise, on top of everything else everyday life throws your way! With so many stress factors, his body and mind could be in a state where he becomes emotionally numb, kind of like when a city with too much chaos goes into emergency quarantine. There was one episode where my girlfriend was crying and telling me I was like a shell because my body and mind were under so much stress, I was emotionally numb. I had shut down all emotions and gone into self-preservation mode. Mine lasted a few months, and it finally took a specific cocktail of things to get me out of it. Step 1 for me was get healthy. If you haven't already try finding exercise routines you have fun doing together so he knows that you'll work through this with him. Healthy bodies will stimulate the sexual appetite! One thing that I know nothing about, but you should search out someone who does, is to find common ground in the child you just shared! Sexual pride is one thing, but family pride is on a completely different level! His lust may be complaisant, but seeing the journey he's about to begin as the alpha male of a family could awaken the lover in him.

    If you couldn't tell by now, I think and analyze A LOT. It can be healthy, like right now trying to help someone, or oneself. But it can also be incredibly self-destructive, which I experience often, and is exactly what your fiancée is going through.

    Well I'm spent. If you're still reading, thanks for letting me ramble, as it's somewhat therapeutic for me! I've tried to use most of my perspective, so you can see inside the head of a crazy person (which you should never take advice from by the way!) ;-)

  • scottymb
    scottymb February 2, 2012 at 12:32 am   

    I'll admit I masturbate during episodes, neglecting my girlfriend and our once normal sex life. Coming from my perspective, you guys are absolutely right in that it's not done maliciously or neglectfully towards your partner. Many times, it's just the easiest, most personal way in relieving the depression or lethargic that is often brought on by episodes. Not to mention, and I can only speak for myself here, that my bodily self esteem isn't exactly at its pinnacle during my depression. Often times, I feel as though she'd rather not get intimate with someone who's neglected to take care of himself during his depression.

  • 4uOnly
    4uOnly February 2, 2012 at 3:49 am   

    Scottymb that makes perfect sense. How long would u go without intimacy with ur partner?

  • scottymb
    scottymb February 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm   

    Our longest was a little over a month until she decided to confront me about it. We discussed the possibilities of depression or BP but both kind of dismissed it as just sleep apnea or stress. Since then there have been periods of two to three weeks without intimacy. It's definitely frustrating for both of us. Just make sure you make it known to him that you love him just as much for his imperfections as you do for his perfections. There's a good chance he is distancing himself from you because he thinks you are too perfect to be with someone like him. Thats basically what goes through my head. When I'm going through an episode, I tell myself, "Im not crazy, I just have a dynamic personality." and it's helped me cope with it a little better.

  • 4uOnly
    4uOnly February 3, 2012 at 5:53 am   

    Its hard to talk to him abt it. He gets defensive abt everything and turns everything around. It's been 5 months since we had any intimacy. I thought at first it was because I was pregnant, then I thought it was stress and we don't really have any privacy. But then I look back at the beginning and we were together all the time n we made time and found private places or not so private places. What bothers me the most is he sad he was a very sexual person. I am too so I thought it was perfect. Now we don't touch it makes me feel unattractive. I just had a baby so I feel unattractive as it is. My self esteem has lowered and if u knew me I never have low self esteem. I love him very much but hid bp is killing me inside and I feel as if he doesn't care.

  • 4uOnly
    4uOnly February 1, 2012 at 11:19 am   

    Thank u everyone for ur replies it is a relief to know that the lack of sex and the masturbation isn't because out relationship is lacking something or that he lost all interest in me, and that it is just his bipolar. It's said that I am thankful that that is what is. But I can deal with it being because of bipolar not because there was something wrong with us.
    I have talked to him about the lack of sex but not about masturbation. He just stated he was stress and his pills make it so he doesn't want to. And i thought well wouldn't that make him not want to masturbate too? But when he was on his pills this time last year he was very sexual so I was worried.

  • bipolarbeargirl
    bipolarbeargirl February 1, 2012 at 12:10 am   

    Im the same way. I cant explain it other than bpd takes away libido (except during mania) and during this time the sexual appetite is gone regardless of the love or attraction to the significant other. This is how it is for me . And for me, i do not want to force my brain and body to have sex with him because i dont want to do that to myself and i do not want to ruin the sanctity of the act between us. The self pleasuring thing, in this case im assuming, iis not a sexual thing more than it is a release. Like a duty. Errr how do i explain. Like going to the bathroom. Its not something done as a fun intimate experience but rather more like emptying your bladder when you have to go to te bathroom. Hes lost his libido for a while because of the bpd but hes still going to need the release even if he cant get himself to do the intimacy part. Hmm im not good at explaining this. I hope you understand that it is not you. Whatever you do, do not pressure him into sex, that makes it worse at least for me. Just be loving and supportive :) itll get better!

  • Li-123
    Li-123 February 1, 2012 at 12:16 am   

    i think u explained that brilliant by the way !!! loss of sexual appetite is an awful thing it makes u feel guilty for your partner but its not them like u said !! and also im the same when manic im the total opposite !! its a mad illness !!

  • misskel
    misskel January 31, 2012 at 11:34 pm   

    I dont think you should b worried its hard to b in the mood sometimes! Maybe try seduce him?

  • 4uOnly
    4uOnly February 3, 2012 at 5:56 am   

    I've tried he doesn't like to be touched.