Constantly changing my mind.

By SilentEyes Latest Activity January 20, 2013 at 11:30 pm Views 522 Replies 13 Likes 1

SilentEyes

I am currently in a relationship and have been since october 2012, we are great together and I feel we will be together for quite a while if not forever. However, there is an issue that I am having trouble with at the moment. Before I met him I decided I did not want anymore children. Now we are trying to have a baby??!!! I told him I was going on birth control and everytime I took it he would get depressed. I also told him after that that I would stop taking bc for a baby.I know how immature this is and I know I did it to make him happy but I would rather hurt him than to make a big mistake. I do want another child, but just not right now. So in summary, I told him in the beginning I was going on bc, then I told him I stopped, and now I want to go back on again. I am changing my mind so much and I don't know what to do. I am not on medication since october. Is this mind changing me or my bp cycle getting worse? I need some advice. I understand how hurtful this is and will be when I tell him no again and how stupid I am acting so please try to keep it polite. Thank you and sorry it is long.

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Replies (13 replies)

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  • veskander
    veskander January 25, 2013 at 2:41 am   

    I am really happy to hear that! And thank you for the update.
    And if you ever need help do not hesitate to message me!

  • veskander
    veskander January 21, 2013 at 1:01 am   

    I can understand that you do not want to hurt him.
    But this sounds like emotional blackmail to me.
    He is making you feel bad just because he wants something.

    That is not fair to you.
    Having a baby is a huge decision.
    Especially for us bipolar buddies.
    You shouldn't get pregnant just because he is pushing you in to it.

    He should accept that now is not the time.

    And if you think your cycle is getting worse contact your pdoc before it will escalate.

    If you ever need to talk feel free ro inbox me!

  • Robert111
    Robert111 January 21, 2013 at 9:03 am   

    I wanna try for a baby unless there's a ring on that finger. So many fatherless kids out there cause someone decided that they were done. He wants a baby, make it permanent first or he can go get a rental.

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 25, 2013 at 2:38 am   

    Actually I was married before and had a child, but her father is non existent in her life. I like the last part of your response, made me kinda laugh lol.

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 21, 2013 at 1:15 am   

    I also thought about emotional blackmail but I think I am choosing to not see this because of what a good person he is overall. He says that it is my body and I do what I choose, however, one day he saw me taking my bc and I could tell his mood changed because of it. He has 2 other children but both mothers left with the child after a few months so I am wondering if he wants a child so badly now because he does not have his own children with him. I just know that if I have a child now I will end up resenting him and will hurt him in the process even worse than just telling him I do not want children right now. Thank you for responding, means a lot.

  • veskander
    veskander January 21, 2013 at 1:26 am   

    Sadly it sounds like he wants to replace hisclost children.
    Also I cannot help but wonder why two woman would leave him and do not let him see his own kids.
    I am not attacking him but just wondering.

    Please if you think like this about having child then do not get pregnant. It's not fair to you nor the child.
    You are making the right choice.
    And I am always happy to help!

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 21, 2013 at 1:38 am   

    I have to correct myself. Only one mother left with the child, the other mother and him had an argument that involved the police and they then parted ways. He has been able to see his son lately, however, not the first child because she is out of state.
    But according to him, the problems started because of him not wanting to be with the mothers anymore. I asked him about the situations with the mothers because I was also thinking why things were so bad between them and what I would be getting myself into.
    He is a good person overall, he is a much more caring person in all situations than others, however, it is this one situation about a baby that has me on edge. I feel my isolation coming on strong. Yesterday I was irritated all day for no reason and that night he could see something was wrong so he asked me if I was ok. I told him about my irritation and the bp cycle i am in currently; his response was that I was probably using bp as an excuse and that I should use my emotion to learn from it (or something to that extent). Anyway, I feel as if I am rambling.

  • veskander
    veskander January 21, 2013 at 2:13 am   

    You are not rambling at all so do not worry about that for a second.
    I am here for you.

    I am sorry to hear he have lost his children.
    But my bipolar paranoid radar keeps nagging at me about this.
    I am sure he is a great guy. With great sides.
    But something tells me that he is not all that White knight on a horse.
    I can be wrong here! Just sharing my thoughts on it.

    Well in the situation he not wanting to be with the mother of his child, I do understand why they split up. But I do not understand why he not did more to see his children then. If they are so incredible important to them.

    I can only imagine how much strains this is putting on you.
    Try to explain to him how bad it makes you feel.

    It kinda makes me mad that he responded like that to your explanation.
    All to often we hear such things.
    Try to explain him calmly how bipolar works. And that you cannot just switch the emotions. Or change them. Or be in control of them.

    To me he sounds a bit like an ass at this moment sorry.
    But telling you to '' man up '' and pushing for a new baby is not my idea of being a supportive loving partner.

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 21, 2013 at 3:47 am   

    To tell you the truth, my radar has been up for a while i just do not know what to do. He is a good person, intellectual, and logical. He is also a dominant person and this is my first time with a dominant person (in every day life and in the bedroom). He does not allow me to pay for things when we are out together, cooks and cleans, ya know stuff a girl likes in a guy. He is the vision of a perfect man. He did announce to me that he is dependent on alcohol and that part scares me a bit considering how his childhood involved a father that beat both his mom and himself. At this point I know this could turn out bad but like I said before, maybe I am choosing to not see these things.

    In reference to his children, he has tried to have them in his life but since they were not married that his parental rights were revoked. So, he is trying to see his children and has been for a long time which brings me to a point that I think having a child is more out of desperation. We actually dated back in highschool for a short time but due to some actions I made we did not stay together. This time around he says I have been on his mind during the whole time after we broke up. That is almost 10 years! He says he cannot go two days without seeing me. It is difficult to deal with that statement because I like being alone. I mean I like my time alone, and considering how I isolate myself at times it is just a part of my life.

    I feel my story is biased though because it is only from my point of view. For me I feel a sense of losing power over my life. I have not gone out with my friends for over two months and I have very very few friends. I am unmedicated, which he would rather me not be on because it could harm the baby but also due to how I told him I felt like a zombie on them. The last time I went off meds I was suicidal two months later. I am not sure if it is due to my bp but I feel worthless in having a child. I do not want to pass this monster along. I already have one child to worry about. The last time I was pregnant my bp got really bad, I was not diagnosed at the time but i knew something was wrong with me. I had psychosis and very bad thoughts. I do not want that to happen again.

  • veskander
    veskander January 21, 2013 at 3:55 am   

    He almost seems to good to be true.
    And searching your escape in alcohol is always a bad thing. Even more when you have an abusive childhood concerning alcohol.
    I can imagine why he does it, but it is not healthy at all.
    You might overlook the bad things in him because you truly love him.
    Or maybe you are afraid to be on your own again.
    That is also a point why people stay in a relationship. They are to scared to be on their own.
    ( Not saying that this is the case with you )

    Good to hear that he is trying to see his children. That shows he does cares.
    And if he really waited all that time for you, you would think he would go a bit more out of his way to make you feel better and comfortable. :)
    I can imagine it is difficult. I am happy I have some time for myself every day. I need it to relax a bit and unwind. just doing my own things.

    Ofcourse it is a bit biased because I do not know his side of the story, but I have been a social worker for a long time and well I can see things when I see them so to say.

    I would advice to talk to a pdoc about medication again.
    Like you stated before at this moment you do not want children.
    There are a lot of different medications and you just have to find the right combination.

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 21, 2013 at 4:04 am   

    I like your advice :). I will talk to him again and hope for the best. The last time I told him he got angry but I was not present in the same room. He used that time to calm down but he also cuts, almost as if showing me he was sad about my decision. I feel this is a form of blackmail like you said so I try to not let that influence my decision. I am sure he will be more hurt this time but he also says that he does not want to mess things up with me so I feel he will do his best to understand.

    With medication, I was taking Abilify on both occasions. The first time was a problem with side effects and my denial of the illness. This time around I just did not want to lose the fun mania that comes around, however, I am slowly realizing that being on medication has its' benefits as opposed to being suicidal. Thank you again for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

  • veskander
    veskander January 21, 2013 at 4:13 am   

    I am happy to hear you have some use from my advice.
    And do try to talk to him. And do not let him blackmail you emotionally.
    That is just not right on any level.
    I am sure he will not like your choice, but it is the best for you. And in due time for the child you both will get. And you have time enough to get pregnant again. Do not rush these things dear.

    And with medication, well I am on lithium and flunitrazepam. It helps me a great deal. I still have slight mania's and lows. But they are more manageable. And this medication allows me to function at least a bit.

    And please tell me how it went!
    Good luck!

  • SilentEyes
    SilentEyes January 25, 2013 at 2:39 am   

    Well things went well with the conversation. I was surprised. I am now back on birth control and our well-being is much better in both perspectives.Thanks again, you are a life saver! :)