Ugh... Need to get this out...
By zombiekitty13
October 31 at 2:23 pm
118
13
Can anyone relate to me here and give me some advice?
Different things bother or don't bother me on different levels all the time (which i know goes hand and hand with being bipolar) but one subject that always gets to me, no matter how happy I am is when I see a friend or a stranger getting engaged or married… I cannot get passed the complete sadness I feel when i hear this news. Of course I am beyond happy for them for having such a wonderful thing happen to them and make sure they know how happy I am for them but I cannot deny to myself the feeling of sadness that washes over me. I cannot help but feel so down on myself and wonder what's wrong with me that I'm 28 and still single… I've had two proposals and both guys ended up cheating on me. I don't get hit on often in real life or get asked on dates even though i have people telling me I'm pretty. I can usually get passed other feelings and emotions but, with this, it really weighs on me. Anyone else have something they just can't get passed like this? It doesn't have to be the same thing, just wondering if anyone can empathize and tell me what they do to get passed it because this sucks.
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Replies (13 replies)
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Rhiannon76 October 31 at 11:34 pm0 LikesI can totally empathize with your situation. I have felt the same way about others getting married. Hurt. Jealous. Hopeless. But then I did it. I got married when I was 30 basically because I thought I needed to. That marriage would make me happy. But the opposite happened. I became extremely depressed. My ex didn't understand or care about my illness, and we ended up divorcing less than 2 yrs later. Seems like I choose the most horrible men. I've dated a little since my divorce (in 2009), but they've all ended up to be jerks. And the weird thing is that this last relationship threw me into a major manic episode. It's like every time I think I'm "in love", I go nuts. So, I gave up. For the past few months, I've been completely content with being single. I think I've just come to terms with the fact that I'm not meant to be a wife. I'm not saying that you should give up too! You're still young. Just don't get married for the wrong reasons. Hold out for Mr. Right. Try not to obsess about marriage and enjoy your singleness. I know it's easier said than done. I wish you the best!
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badsnuggles October 31 at 11:31 pm0 LikesI hear ya zombie. I'm quite a bit older than you and never been married. Looking back on precious relationships, I realize now that my illness had the potential to ruin everything. They have all been a hot ass mess. I've dodged bullets and they've dodged me.
I haven't given up on finding love. every now and then I feel a bit blue, but I choose to look at the blessings I already have. It keeps me focused.
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badsnuggles October 31 at 11:32 pm0 Likes"Previous" relationships. Geez I'm having a time with words tonight.
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bipolarIImom October 31 at 2:57 pm1 LikeJoel Osteen says if your not happy where you are you probably won't be happy when you get to the place you thought you wanted to be. When I learned to be happy being single, love walked into my life. I've learned that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life and I'm good with that. I was very career driven and when I had to get over the fact that I probably would never work again. I have other things in my life to be grateful for. I hope this helps. Hugs.
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zombiekitty13 October 31 at 2:44 pm0 Likes
@du kotvit & @cliff77 is there anything you do to cope with those feelings?
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du kotvit October 31 at 3:12 pm0 LikesI tell myself that I have 4 great children and that I've been successful in that way as well as in other ways. I'm a good wife, friend, sister in law, cousin, niece, daughter, daughter in law, mother in law. I've done lots of useful things over the years, even if it didn't add up to a career. I'm doing the best I can with what I was given.
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cliff77 October 31 at 2:54 pm0 LikesIt's probably not healthy but I tend to overcompensate in areas of my life that I can have control over. I'm a generous lover and can always make my mate feel good physically, usually while being withdrawn in my own illness. I can't say if that is more for me or her. Me I guess. Trying to avoid focusing on the reality of my situation.
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zombiekitty13 October 31 at 2:43 pm0 Likes
@cliff77 yea, that's how i feel. Like, why can it work and happen for them but not me? What's wrong with me? I'm able to eventually rationalize other problems I've had but this is something that had been bothering me for a long time and I seem to not be able to get over
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cliff77 October 31 at 2:50 pm0 Likes
I just end up feeling flawed. Defective. I know I'm not easy to live with when I'm low, but I'm a good guy. I'm loyal, faithful and would do anything for my mate. I guess that doesn't count for much in the end though. Sorry… My marriage is in a very bad place right now and I'm not taking that too well. But that feeling defective thing - that's a constant.
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du kotvit October 31 at 2:43 pm0 LikesWell, I've been quite successful in marriage but my problem is I've been unable to work most of the time. I guess I feel a tinge of jealousy when people are successful in their careers or businesses.
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cliff77 October 31 at 2:31 pm0 LikesI can relate to that. I've not been single for too long at a time, but it seems that in the past when I've really been into someone I'm great friend material, but it ends there. I did meet and marry my soulmate, but I can't honestly say if things will last with us or not. It seems like nearly everyone else is able to marry off and be very happy long-term, but I'm feeling like I must be incapable of having this myself. :/
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