By October 29 at 4:03 am 133 5 2
I'm 37, been married for 6 years. I went to the doctor when I was 25 because I was having mood swings. They experimented with multiple drugs from Zoloft to Lithium. Starting and stopping all different kids of anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. After 5 or so years I gave up and stopped medicating. Once married I felt the mood swings again. This time we went with Abilify and Prozac, I'm on them currently, and have been for the last 3 or 4 years. This past summer I missed a couple days, then stopped all together. My wife & kids were gone most of the summer on vacations while I stayed home and worked. I just went back on the meds this last September. Wife said she can clearly see the ups and downs while not on medication. She also stated that she can see them, even when I am on them. I've never been clinically diagnosed with the bipolar disorder, but the more I read about it, the symptoms, and what to look for, it sounds like me. My wife asked me to leave the house last month and we should take a "break" for a while. I moved out and she served me legal separation papers 2 days later. Talk about depressing, I really started going downhill from there. Missing more work from moving and consulting counselors, layers, I lost my job 2 weeks later. I told my wife about it and the medical benefit package would have to be figured out. 2 days later she filed for divorce. I felt like shit, slept a lot and kept to myself. I'd like to think it cant get any worse, still unsure, I was clearly depressed, not knowing what was going to happen next. Its been over a month since I left the house, I get to see the kids quite often and I've had a lot of free time to read and research what I can do in the future to prevent this from happening again. Self-help is good, I am learning better ways to communicate with my wife and kids. I'm looking for more positive things in life to appreciate, setting goals and trying to be a better person. During my research I looked into the "cycles" my wife calls them and thats when I figured I'm likely bipolar. I drink 6 to 8 beers a night sometimes more, sometimes less. I guess I'm also an alcoholic. That is also counter productive to the medication and the illness. I want my family back, I want to live a normal life, I'm struggling to get there. I'm learning to be happy and stay positive during this time in my life is not an easy task. My wife continually brings up the past and all the horrible things about it. She is so negative, all the time. I plan on going back to my doctor and see if we can make some adjustments with my meds. I'm sure, with time I can probably return to being normal again. My wife, she is screwed, cannot and will not accept any responsibility for wrong doings or maybe make some changes for the better. To sum it up, you live, you learn, you gain, you loose. It's just not as fun to do when your all alone.